It all started 60 years ago when a scientist by the name of Newt Leos invented a large radioactive laser. This laser, when used on living material, allowed the cells to shrink dramatically. In fact, the whole cell of a human body became about a millionth the size of an actual cell.
Out of this arose a great curiosity from humans. It began as a scientific study, but soon many people began cellunking as a hobby. Today thousands of people go cellunking each year.
While this sounds like fun, as many of you cellunkers know, there are many risks involved. For instance, you have to find a vacuole when your food runs out. And the person who injects you into the cell canÆt get you out unless you come back to the cell wall in the same place you entered. Or worst of all, the cell could go though cytolisis and you would spill out and remain shrunken for life! But these are just a few of the problems cellunkers encounter.
That is where our story begins. This account of a cellunker rescue mission was recently uncovered from the depths of a cell. The scientists found it while they were doing an experiment between two cell walls. They said it was amazing that they found it, since there were no records of the team ever entering that cell. This never before seen journal from the leader of a cellunker rescue team reveals the inside story.
FridayÆs Journal of Christae case 2043
My name is Friday. In this city people get lost in cells. When they do. I go to work, I carry a cellunker rescue team badge. Today our job is to rescue a girl named Cristae, from a cell which is believed to be contaminated by AIDS. If Christae isnÆt out soon she runs the risk of becoming an Aids virus herself. To save time we are going in without the usual paper work which helps determine where she is located in the cell.
After our team packed food and got air tanks lined up, we went to the cell Christae had entered. Once there our injector put us through the cell wall. We immediately put on our air tanks because you canÆt breathe while being suspended in cytoplasm. We found ourselves in a series of tunnels with slim rods going through them in all directions. The tunnels were endoplasmic reticulum and the rods, microtubulus.
As we started off we heard a strange sound like a bunch of cattle grazing in a field. We approached cautiously and around the corner saw several of what are thought to be AIDS, ferociously eating the side of a golgi apparatus. They were small green men with noses twice the size of their heads and large gold navel rings that doubled as basket ball hoops. They also had exo-skeletal organs. We quickly turned off on a different tunnel and began searching for Christae. Since we didnÆt know where she was, we could only search the cell and hope for the best. Our plan was to check all the organelles outside the nucleus first, to avoid run ins with the small snakes that inject deadly venom with their tails, much like a bee sting. They are called chromaslythers, and they are everywhere.
We stopped to rest and think about the situation. We knew we didnÆt have to check any lysasomes because anyone there would be near fully digested by this time. It was then that one member of the group realized, that the only way she could still be alive was to stay close to a vacuole or a mitochandrea. We could only sleep briefly because we were anxious to check out our new theory. After we left we began a huge search mainly for vacuole and mitochandrea.
Before long, we ran into a cold virus who tried to mug us, he was wearing a button that read ôI love New Yorkö. We easily defended ourselves by throwing ribasomes. We got a little carried away and started yelling things like ôsuck riboÆs evil doer!ö We also discovered that they taste great and are less filling than regular cell structures, but Christae would not have known this. We grabbed a bunch of them and went to a near by golgi apparatus to have them processed and packaged, that way they will last longer.
When we saw a large bean shaped figure in the distance and heard screaming we knew it was Boston. Actually we were wrong and found the mitochandrea where Cristae was staying. We all started running like chickens with our heads cut off. When we got there we found her hunched in a ball in the center of the mitochandrea, with several AIDS dancing in a circle around her reciting a Voodoo chant (they were trying to turn her into an aids virus). We immediately began throwing the rivbasomes that weÆd saved. Due to the bad aim of aim of one of us, a ribasome hit Christae in the head and knocked her out. While the rest of the group kept throwing ribasomes, I ran in and carried Christae out. We all took off with the AIDS close behind, their naval rings flopping in the wind.
We ran for long hours without rest. We all took turns carrying Christae until she woke up. When we finally reached the cell wall, we were all very relieved. We began pounding on the membrane, but our injector was nowhere to be found. How he could have left his post and endanger our lives like is beyond me.
When the AIDS finally arrived we began defending ourselves with what was left of the ribasomes. After we ran out of things to throw, and several members of the group died, we took a vote to leave through a gated channel. We were all well aware that this meant staying small for the rest of our lives, because no one could find us. (If only we could find blue dye we could become smurfs.) However, remaining small is better than dying. We did not however, know we would be trapped from coming back into the cell. (I guess all the good clubs close at nine). The semi permeable bouncer just wouldn't allow us to pass back through. Once our food runs out we will die here, trapped between two cells.
Our attempt to save Christae has led to to catastrophe. We all would have been better off if we had not attempted the rescue. But at least we tried to save her. We acted fast to save her, maybe too fast. We should have stopped to think about our actions first. I have written this account of our courageous adventure in hopes that it will someday be found and our story can be known.
P.S. Our injector was Jim Ribo. If he is still alive when this is found, our story will be the necessary evidence to put him behind bars for murder.
STORY VOCABULARY
endoplasmic reticulum - a series of folded sacs and tunnels
microtubulus - rod structures that help shape and support the cell
golgi apparatus - processing, packaging, and secreting organelle
ribasomes - organelles that produce proteins, most abundant of organelles
cristae - found in mitochandrea
mitochandrea - respiration center of cell
chromatin - found in nucleus, contain DNA
nucleus - control center of cell, site of cell division
semi permeable membrane - membrane which only allows certain items to pass through
gated channel - proteins in the cell wall which works like a lock and dam to let objects pass through
